Honored Sir:
The Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Company has always been a very prestigious organization, though we do not, as a rule, seek publicity. No, our little duty is performed for mankind unobtrusively and unostentatiously. We do not seek praise from others, though that is not to say we don't deserve mankind's thanks!--yet we modestly carry out our job and keep America whole and well and supplied with its most basic needs. If you would like to invest in our company, you would be making the best decision you could possibly make. We are truly a company that is up-and-coming...we are rising in the world, and we want YOU to rise with us! With your prestige and our financial security, we could make an unbeatable team. Please also consider us when you next make donations to worthy causes. You might also want to consider looking into our Abbreviated Alternative American Dictionary, which is one of our subsidiaries. Please send any donations to:
Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Co.
c/o Jamie Smith, Jr., Suite 1
99999 Shakespeare Lane
Whoville, TX 79233
Yes, yes, I completely understand your aversion to mentioning that coarse and common subject of m-o-n-e-y. We are men of sensitivity and social standing. Such things are too base for us to mention. So let me propose, then, an alternative. I have at my disposal a fairly large number of bonds available from the Amalgamated P. C. and R. B. Company. We would be extremely pleased for you to accept these in remuneration for Liechtenstein. We are SO sure of your satisfaction that we are currently offering a two-for-one deal...we will give you TWICE the amount of stock in our company if you act now!
Please let us know of any further service we can render you--we remain
Sincerely and gratefully yours,
J. K. Whippplesnatch, of the Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Co. and Abbreviated Alternative American Dictionary Co.
The Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Company has always been a very prestigious organization, though we do not, as a rule, seek publicity. No, our little duty is performed for mankind unobtrusively and unostentatiously. We do not seek praise from others, though that is not to say we don't deserve mankind's thanks!--yet we modestly carry out our job and keep America whole and well and supplied with its most basic needs. If you would like to invest in our company, you would be making the best decision you could possibly make. We are truly a company that is up-and-coming...we are rising in the world, and we want YOU to rise with us! With your prestige and our financial security, we could make an unbeatable team. Please also consider us when you next make donations to worthy causes. You might also want to consider looking into our Abbreviated Alternative American Dictionary, which is one of our subsidiaries. Please send any donations to:
Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Co.
c/o Jamie Smith, Jr., Suite 1
99999 Shakespeare Lane
Whoville, TX 79233
Yes, yes, I completely understand your aversion to mentioning that coarse and common subject of m-o-n-e-y. We are men of sensitivity and social standing. Such things are too base for us to mention. So let me propose, then, an alternative. I have at my disposal a fairly large number of bonds available from the Amalgamated P. C. and R. B. Company. We would be extremely pleased for you to accept these in remuneration for Liechtenstein. We are SO sure of your satisfaction that we are currently offering a two-for-one deal...we will give you TWICE the amount of stock in our company if you act now!
Please let us know of any further service we can render you--we remain
Sincerely and gratefully yours,
J. K. Whippplesnatch, of the Amalgamated Paper Clip and Rubber Band Co. and Abbreviated Alternative American Dictionary Co.
*laughs* Guess I'm good at keeping secrets, eh? This all happened...mmm...3 years ago? Yep, I think it was about then.